Often I lift my hands in the midst of praise and worship at church or even alone in my room and I immediately feel the overwhelming presence of God covering and surrounding me. It is a sensation that makes it impossible for me to ever doubt that He sits at His throne watching over me and making sure that everything will be okay. I hadn’t realized, HOWEVER that I was using that feeling as a crutch to justify my faith and belief in Him. In fact, whenever I didn’t feel the presence of God, I would begin apologizing profusely for whatever sin I had committed that blocked me from entering into the inner courts of heaven.
One of my favourite preachers said something similar to what I had so often condemned myself for. He said when he first started preaching, HE WOULD FEEL THE HOLY SPIRIT ON HIS BACK WHISPERING THE SERMON INTO HIS EAR every time he preached, until one day he didn’t. He proceeded to do what I often do when I don’t feel the Holy Spirit filling my eyes with tears, he begged and pleaded. God spoke to him and said, “I NEED YOU TO BELIEVE IN ME EVEN WHEN YOU DON’T HAVE ANY REASON TO,” even when you can’t feel Me move, even when I appear distant, I need you to trust in My word that says I will never leave you. I need you to believe without Me pushing you to it. I need you to move from belief to conviction. (I did add that last part to drive the point home.)
It is so easy to believe that God loves you when everything is going right, when you are in a happy relationship, when you have great and healthy friendships, when the Holy Spirit is so overwhelming that you are lying prostrate at the altar. It is not so easy when you are failing in school, getting cheated on and living in a country with an unemployment rate of 95%. Imagine praying for someone’s healing and believing that they are healed only to get the call that same day to say they are gone. I know so many people who gave up on God because they had too much faith that eventually did not give them the results they were hoping for.
I CHALLENGE YOU READER, TO LOVE ANYWAY, WHEN GOD FEELS DISTANT, WHEN YOUR LIFE IS FALLING APART, TRUST ANYWAY. When it feels like His promises are void and if anything you are mad at Him, wait upon Him, “though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.”- Habakkuk 2:3b
Faith is something that has always been difficult for me as I have always been someone who prefers to have a contingency plan, a plan B. I invite you then to join me in this commitment to choose God, I choose to show love Him when I am angry, I choose to pray to Him when the situation is unfathomable, I choose to believe when my logic refutes it, I choose to dream big in spite of what is all around me, I am choosing to wait upon the Lord because He knows what He is doing, and I hope that you would choose Him too. THERE IS A LESSON TO BE LEARNED IN EVERY “NO” AND IN EVERY “YES,” THERE IS A BATTLE STANCE TO BE LEARNED IN EVERY DELAY. Ralph Waldo Emerson could not have said it better when he said “No man ever prayed heartily without learning something.” I hope that I would learn to trust that even when the results of any prayer I make are not what I expected, they are a part of how God is preparing me for where He is taking me.
“I WILL STAND AT MY WATCH
AND STATION MYSELF ON THE RAMPARTS;
I WILL LOOK TO SEE WHAT HE WILL SAY TO ME”
– HABAKKUK 2:1